These are Strage Times We're Living in Wilber...

Have you ever just had one of those days where everything seems to be happening in the wrong time or place? I dont know how to explain it any better than that..... but I'll try....Today I was woken up by a very loud banging. A continous, loud, metal on metal kind of banging. Seeing as this was the one day in the last month that I have gotten to sleep past 7am I was somewhat angry at the noise coming through my walls at 6:56. I could tell that it was annoying Moonshine as well when he jumped up onto my bed and looked at me with his big brown eyes begging to make the noise stop. So I sat up, swumg my legs over the side of my bed and walked into the kitchen to find my mother... making candles. For those of you who don't know my mom... she isn't artsy or crafty AT ALL. Her idea of doing a craft is... well... she doesn't even have ideas about doing crafts. Anyways, she looks up at me, smiles and says, "Good Morning! Would you like to smell the Tango Mango?" Who was this weird, artsy, woman in my kitchen making tango mango candles at dawn? I didn't care... I just turned around and went back to bed.
Yesterday on my way to Christys house I was following a car with a Kansas license plate, which didn't even occur to me as out of place right away cause I was used to seeing them all over. When it hit me that, "Hey... thats unusual!" it became my obsession to get as close to the car as I could to see what county they were from. (Side note: To everyone from Arizona... in Kansas there is another sticker placed on your license plate that is an abbreviation of what county you live in. For instance Manhattan is in Riley county so my license plate had an RL sticker on it. I'm not sure why... but there is.) This took quite an effort seeing as the car had already moved away and ahead of me in traffic. So I began to swerve and weave in and out of traffic trying to catch up. Finally I got close enough and low and behold there it was. A big, fat.... RL. Of course I had never seen the lady driving the car in my life, and she probably thought I was insane chasing her down like a scene from cops... but it made me happy.
Short Story: I walked into my grandmothers house today. Usually she hugs me. Today she did a secret hand shake that apparently I didn't know the secret to.
I've decided that I'm changing my middle name. Not necessarily changing it so much, as editting it. When I was born my parents had my name all picked out. But not the spelling of it. My dad has never been good with helping me with English homework. He can't spell, doesn't understand the different uses of punctuation, and often just makes up words. My mom was always my English tutor. Right after I was born they shot my mom so full of pain medication that she could hardly see, and gave my dad the paperwork to fill out about what my name was going to be. I am honestly surprised that he spelt my first name correctly. On my birth certificate my name reads: Amanda Noel Schoech. They had Noel picked out, but my mother wanted it to be spelled Noelle. My father, unaware that n-o-e-l was the typical spelling for the masculine version of the name... spelt it that way because at the time (Christmas-time) there were tons of decorations up in the hospital spelt out as n-o-e-l. So therefore, I have a boy middle name, and I'm going to fix it. But changing your name is freaking expensive. Maybe that just what I'll ask for for Christmas next year.
There is a movie theater and shopping center that used to be 'the hangout' for the kids at my high school. AMC 30 is where you went on Friday and Saturday nights to hang out, be seen and do... whatever stupid things it was we did when we were in high school. Christy and I went to see Bride Wars at like 5:30, and were a little shocked at how completely empty the place was for a Saturday night. Usually by then the place would already be full of junior highers standing around in circles talking to each other on their cell phones. So we went in watched the movie(super good! go see it with your best friend!) and came back out to find the place a little more populated specifically with those junior highers I was telling you about. We jumped in the car and drove down to Target to get some necesseties and as we were walking in, there was a woman walking out wearing...a blue bathrobe and slippers. Now, I know that I am guilty of wearing pajama pants out in public a few times in my life mostly just because I needed something quickly and I didn't give a damn what anyone thought. But honestly? A robe? AND slippers? We looked at her, and then at each other... talked about it for a minute, and then moved on. We purchased our items and got back in the car headed to pick up little miss PJ....when there she was. A very....round woman wearing what I can only describe as.... a tube top that she turned into a dress. It was not long enough by any means and black tights that looked like she had taken a razor blade to. I didn't even notice her the first time we drove by, but Christy thought it was pertinent I observe such a spectackle and made a 'loop' around so that I could get a better look. Upon seeing her more closely I noticed something not visible to me before: This woman was wearing no bra (obvious because as she did a little jumpy-leprechaun manuver her breasts popped out of her tube top/dress), and her underware were almost around her knees. I'm pretty sure our mouths were hanging open as we drove by. We began to look for the cop we saw earlier but could not find him (Christy even made an illegal turn hoping to attract him). We decided that she either had to be on some kind of drugs, or lost a serious bet. New Rule: When I have kids they will not be allowed to go to AMC 30 after dark.
This was so incredibly longer than I thought it was going to be, but I'll leave you with this... just a few things I've been wondering recently:
1. Have you ever noticed that in the Allstate insurance commercials it has a disclaimer that says, "Not Available in all states." What?
2. If a transvestite goes missing, would we put their face on a bottle of half and half? (Ok... kinda mean, but it funny!!)
3. What is another word for Thesaurus?